Oh Baby! It’s a Kidney Stone

See update at the end

Okay, I’ve got kidney stones. Like many of you didn’t already know. My wife must have never heard of HIPAA, the federal rules protecting your private health information. She put it all over Facebook. That’s almost as good as leading off the newscast with it. Which I didn’t.

My latest bout with kidney stones hit me like a rock Wednesday morning. Within a half hour I was hooked up to an IV in the ER mumbling something I used to hear my wife yell for during childbirth: “Give me some drugs. NOW!”

“Dr. Stone? You’ve got to be kidding!”

But in the midst of all the pain, there was a sliver of irony. I was coherent enough to hear the ER doctor come in and introduce himself.  It went something like this:

  • Doctor: “Mr. Bradshaw, how are you doing this morning? “
  • Me: (“What, it’s not obvious,” I’m thinking) “Wonderful.”
  • Doctor: “I’m Dr. Stone.”
  • Me: “You’ve got to be kidding.”
  • Doctor: “That’s my name.”
  • Me: “Great!”
Triplets!!!

Dr. Stone told me what I already suspected: I had a kidney stone that was trying to tunnel its way out of my body, and in the meantime was causing me quite a bit of pain. I was familiar with kidney stones. I met one while living in Las Vegas. How’s that for luck? 15 years later I’m being dealt another crummy hand. He also mentioned there’s a third stone in my kidney, and there’s no telling when it’ll decide to introduce itself to me.
Drink a six pack of beer
Many of you have offered solace and jokes and advice through Facebook. Among the humorous:
  • “Has he picked out a name for them?”
  • “I’m guessing, a boy between 8 and 9 lbs.”
I’ve often heard passing kidney stones is much like childbirth for a woman. Here’s a few of your thoughts on that:
  • “I would rather give birth than have those.” Andrea
  • “I wouldn’t know, but I’m sure nobody has a baby… through their pee hole!” Bill
I wouldn’t know either, but if that’s true, I’m NEVER going to have a baby. And quite a few wrote their prescription to help me through the pain:
  • Tell him to drink pickle juice. It will rubberize them and make them easier to pass.” Charla
  • “Drink apple juice and olive oil mixed together. It will break it down and pass easier.” Michael
  • Muscle relaxers… They relax the little muscles that are tense from the pain and will help ease those little suckers out of there.” Karen
  • Drink a “six-pack of beer.” Shelly
I’m still waiting for the “baby”. After taking a couple of days off, I tried going back to work today. I made it through three of the four newscasts, and came home early.
Not bad for going through “labor”.
Update: Right after I posted this Friday evening, the “baby” came. Pictures to come. Please, no gifts.

7 Comments on “Oh Baby! It’s a Kidney Stone

  1. Mark, it reminds me of what we did yesterday—-pick cherries in the orchard. I remember when you were 2, and our family of 6 went out to pick cherries. We hadn’t realized you were there BENEATH the trees, eating all the cherries that fell to the ground—–pits (stones) and all. They found a different exit then, and you were in labor then, too.

  2. Pingback: It’s a …… Kidney Stone! « JustMyPOV

  3. I’ve had two children – 9lbs & 8.10lbs – natural. (not because I wanted to!!) Nothing hurts worse than those obnoxious little stones. I was in the ER the pain was so bad. They gave me 2 shots of Valium, 2 shots of Morphine and 1 shot of Demerol before the pain started to ease up. Of course, I was so high by then, I really didn’t care.

  4. Most kidney stones form when the urine becomes too concentrated, allowing minerals like calcium to crystallize and stick together. Diet plays a role in the condition — not drinking enough water or eating too much salt (which binds to calcium) also increases the risk of stones.;

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