Wake-Up Call

My three sons

I just got a call from my wife. “You won’t believe what YOUR boys just did,” she scolded. They’re always MY boys when they’re bad.

Were they catapulting water balloons at golfers again? Or yelling “Cannonball” in their backswing? No, the golf course is closed on Mondays, so it couldn’t be that.  Were they aiming the beam of one of those laser pens through the windows of one of our Middle Eastern neighbors? They did that a couple of years ago, and it brought out the police and almost started a “holy war”. No, it’s the middle-of-the-day, so it couldn’t be that. Were they being chased down the 5th fairway by another neighbor after an evening of pool-hopping? No, couldn’t be that. Too early in the day. Did they get a buzzcut from one of their friends? No, not that. That happened over the weekend. So what was it this time?

My wife went on to explain she needed some muscle to move some furniture at one of her houses. She’s a realtor. “So I called home to get the three boys to do it.” It’s summer and the boys are out of school. Tommy answered the phone. Here’s how the conversation went:


  • Michelle: “I need you and your brothers to bring your truck and help me move some furniture.”
  • Tommy: “David’s still asleep. Do you want me to wake him up?”
  • Michelle: “Sure.”
  • Tommy: “Does it matter how we (Jacob too) wake him up?”
  • Michelle: “I don’t care. Just wake him up.”

In hindsight, my wife admits it was a big mistake giving Tommy and Jacob carte blanche to wake up their brother. David is our almost 21-year-old who’s home from college. He lives in a frat house, so you would think he’d be used to almost every prank in the book.

In the old days (before camera phones and YouTube), I’d write about what happened, but couldn’t show it. My boys watch way too much MTV and like to document their stupid stunts. Here’s how the wake-up call went down:

Fortunately, no firetrucks were dispatched. There is a small patch of scorched carpet though.

Firecrackers. Smoke alarm. That’s quite a wake-up call. Maybe I’ll wake up someday and this will all be a dream.

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