News That Makes Me Laugh
Heroin for grandma
First, the arrest of an Oklahoma man for heroin possession. Steven Patong Thao was picked up at a Detroit airport, allegedly with 50 grand worth of heroin (in 490 capsules) on him. He had just flown into the country from Laos. Among his many excuses was it was for his grandmother’s pain.
The Detroit Free Press says at first Thao told federal agents he had a prescription for the capsules. Agents say the prescription was fake.
Okay, how about this one? He then said that his nephew bought him the capsules and they were for his diabetes and high blood pressure. Wrong again, according to authorities.
After the drugs tested positive for opium, authorities pressed Thao further by telling him heroin distribution is a serious crime in the U.S.
“Am I really going to jail?… What can I do to help myself?” Thao asked. After investigators told him to just be honest, Thao said the pills were for his grandma to help relieve her pain.
You gotta give to him, he didn’t go down without pulling every lame excuse out of his carry-on bag.
Psychic cancels show due to surprise illness
If Thao was headed to Oklahoma to consult well-known psychic Sylvia Browne, he’s out of luck. Browne has cancelled her New Year’s Eve appearance in Tulsa.
Reason? A surprise illness. So many bad psychic jokes, so little time. “She didn’t see it coming.” “Maybe she saw an empty theater in her future.” (insert your own joke here)
I love news. This is stuff you just can’t make up. And you don’t need a crystal ball to see that.