Will 25a Please Shut Up!
I know this isn’t a news flash, but flying sure isn’t fun anymore. Or even faster than driving sometimes. Case in point. Last Friday evening Michelle and I returned from our vacation in Vail. Our flight was out of Denver. Michelle always gets mad at me because I get to the airport early. You never know what’s going to happen. So we drop off our rental car and get to DIA at 5:30 for a 7:49 flight. I know that’s really early, but again, you never know. The United check-in counter (we have a bag to check) is about an hour long (good thing we’re early). Michelle says, “No way we’re getting in that line.” (If you know Michelle, you know I’m paraphrasing). So we rush outside to curbside check-in, where there’s NO LINE AT ALL. Two minutes, and 5 dollar tip later (plus rearranging clothes in bag to stay close to 50 pound limit) we’re on our way past the cattle in the hour long check-in line headed to security. UH OHHHH!!! (that’s me paraphrasing this time) You know how those lines at Disneyland look? How they snake their way to the ride? This was ten times worse. Another hour wait. And no avoiding this one. Join the cattle. You don’t want to be with Michelle when you’re cattle. Halfway into our serpentine shuffle to when we get strip searched, the kind TSA people (you know I’m paraphrasing here) open up a whole new security area and let the cattle right behind us go. Did I raise my hand and complain? Are you kidding? And be hauled off to the airport brig? 30 minutes to pat down. This time I remember to take my laptop out of the bag. (In Tulsa I forgot, and boy did I ever get a tongue lashing) But one of the kind TSA people was taking a long, hard look at a shopping bag full of stuff Michelle had given me. The kind TSA person ran it through X-ray a couple of times, then came up to me (I’m still putting my clothes back on) and said he wanted to look through it. I said, “I’d love to have you look through it.” (No paraphrasing) At the bottom was………… A BOTTLE OF WATER!! If ever Michelle wanted to send me away forever, this was it. But I was proud of myself, I took full responsibility for it, and didn’t point the finger at Michelle. The kind TSA person told me I could either: a) go to the airport brig, b) go outside of security area to drink it, or c) give it up. I would’ve gone to the brig before going through that line again, but I chose “c”. At this point we’re almost rushing to the gate, but stop to check on flight anyway. DELAYED. For another hour. Reason? Who knows. We tried to get an explanation, but if you’ve ever flown, you know how those kind airline employees can be. So we get something to eat and drink at Wolfgang Puck . At 8:30 we board for our 9 o’clock flight. And we sit and wait and wait, in a hot plane for an hour. Why do they turn off the AC? Maybe because cattle don’t need it. Which gets me to the title of this blog entry. For that hour, plus the hour 15 flight (that’s 2 hours and 15 minutes for you Texans) we have to listen to the kid (probably in his early 20’s) in the row in front of us (in 25A) jabber non-stop to the poor guy next to him. And his jabber is loud. He wants everyone to hear his jabber. Example: “I used to live in Tulsa, but moved to California. Now I have to move back, because I can’t afford it anymore. I hate Tulsa. I don’t know why anyone would want to live in Tulsa. All there is there are Bible thumping red-neck conservatives who want to cram their beliefs down your throat.” Example: “I started with 3/8’s, then moved up to 1/2, then to 5/8’s. They really don’t hurt at all. But if you take them out for a while, the hole disappears.” What is he talking about? Then I see his ear piercings. How could I miss them? Seriously, the businessman next to him deserves a medal. Michelle wanted to knock 25A out. Instead she ordered some wine and knocked herself out. Finally around midnight flight 793 arrived in Tulsa, we said goodbye (I’m paraphrasing) to 25A got our bag and drove home. We figured if we had driven from Denver (10 hour drive) instead of flown (1:15 actually flight time) it wouldn’t have been that much longer. But you know what? We would’ve missed all those great experiences. Especially the guy in 25A. Can’t wait to fly again!!!