What’s Your Most Embarrassing Valentine’s Day Gift?

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Today is Valentine’s Day. Uh-oh. It’s a day you either score … or strike out. With gifts, that is. There’s a lot of pressure to please on this day. Especially for guys. And let’s face it, many of us don’t have a clue. There’s plenty of swinging and missing that fat pitch as it comes down the middle of the plate.

How have you done on Valentine’s Day in the past? Any embarrassing stories or gifts? Okay, I’ll go first. Here are a few V-Day lowlights (and what I’ve learned from them):

You can never go wrong with flowers

My wife has never been one for flowers… or at least I thought. Early on in our marriage she told me, “Don’t bother. They’re expensive, and they wilt.” Sweet. So for the first 15 years or so of our marriage I didn’t get her any. Then one Valentine’s Day she shot me a look, and fired this off: “Why don’t you ever get me flowers for Valentine’s Day? I love roses.”

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Lesson learned? Your wife doesn’t always mean what she says.

A buttmaster isn’t a good Valentine’s Day gift

A long time ago my wife commented during one of those TV infomercials: “That Buttmaster looks kind of neat.” So I ordered one, and surprised her on Valentine’s Day. The poor UPS guy who came to the door. “Does it look like I need that?”, she growled at him. “You can take that box right back to your truck, and drive away.” He never knew what hit him. But I did.

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Lessons learned? When your wife says she wants to look like Suzanne Somers, immediately tell her you never cared for that cute little blond on ‘Three’s Company’ who helped propel “jiggle TV”.   And she doesn’t always mean what she says.

buttmaster  romantic mail order dinner isn’t a good Valentine’s Day gift

A couple of years ago, Omaha Steaks had a Valentine’s Special. My wife said “Let’s order that for Valentine’s Day.” Okay.  An order of steak and lobster online. The big day came and went and no surf and turf at our front door. In fact, it was nearly March before we got whiff of it. Literally. I finally called Omaha Steaks and was told the package had been sitting at the local UPS office for two weeks!  “Looks like you had some bad weather. It couldn’t be delivered,” I was told. We were warned not to eat the Valentine’s Special when the styrofoam package showed up at our front door. We didn’t. But my cat loved it?

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Lessons learned? Leave the steak and lobster to your favorite local restaurant. And she doesn’t always mean what she says.

Diamonds will get you out of any jam

Oh, I almost forgot. There ‘s been at least one highlight for me on Valentine’s Day. That’s when I proposed to her.

Lessons learned? A diamond ring is usually a pretty good Valentine’s Day gift. But never, ever forget this: she doesn’t always mean what she says.

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