There won’t be any calls for help into the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line from our kitchen this Thanksgiving. Nope. Gotta have a kitchen to do that. The gobble-gobble operators will have to answer those stupid calls from someone else after our little accident.
But those who do have an oven and stove (and sink and fridge and floor and table and…) will be calling the hotline for turkey help again tomorrow. And many of them will once again show off their IQ’s, or lack of. Reuters is out with some of the actual questions the Butterball experts have fielded during past Thanksgivings. And you thought turkeys are dumb. Here they are:
- Is it okay to thaw my turkey in the bathtub while bathing my kids? (That’s just sick. Sounds like it could be one of our lead stories on the news.)
- Can I brine my turkey in the washing machine? (In with the whites or colors?)
- Can I use my oven’s self-cleaning cycle to speed up the cooking process? (Hey, we have other things to do besides waiting for a turkey.)
- If I cut my turkey with a chainsaw will the oil affect the taste? (Actually the way I carve a turkey a chainsaw isn’t such a bad idea.)
- Can I take my frozen turkey into my sauna to thaw it faster? (How about the hot tub?)
I’m sure the Turkey Hotline will get more dumb calls tomorrow. They just won’t come from my house.
“Are you smarter than your turkey?” [Reuters}